philosophy

an empty shore

Ayushi Kenia
Sri Lanka, 2017

I feel like an empty shore inside my head.

My thoughts are like the loud waves, gushing and clashing on the walls of my brain.

Do they want to come out?

It’s an empty shore above.

Quiet, yet noisy;

numb, yet surprisingly alive.

Can there be such a state?

The one with two extremes?

I think so, I think.

That’s part of the beauty of a human’s existence.

The amount and variety of things that we get to experience is unimaginable; it’s beautiful

(and scary at times).

The empty shore is as empty as the bottle of wine I had on December 20th.

The empty shore is as deserted as the icecream tub I had on the night when I decided to give up trying.

Tired of fixing things- within and around me.

“What’s the point?”, I thought.

“No one’s watching, I can give up. And rest.”

So I did.

Built a shack on the empty shore, and did what I wanted to do- Rest.

thoughts pt. 2

Mayuri Makwana

1. i think sometimes when you look at people in the eye just enough, you can almost see who they are even if you don’t know them
i dont know if i think its lovely or if im terrified of it

2. maybe i could be anyone. i don’t know who i am, maybe i am ever changing.

3. its so easy to be hard on yourself. (i could write a book about this)

4. why must people die
is it just to show us we are insignificant and nothing is in our control
its like listening to a beat that makes you dance but you can never hear it again.
finally finding someone that you love and losing them to death, oh what a broken heart you must have
what an irony, we try to control everything when we can die the next moment
if you knew you are gonna die tomorrow, what’d you do today? you should do that as much as you can. thats the only true thing that matters

5. oh, how insignificant are you with your assumptions about me, with the love you have for me that i dont need, with your rage and hate and disgust, with your ideas of me
oh how insignificant you are

6. i have been trying to get my heart broken since January of this year just to feel something

7. today i feel like how i felt when i was 15.
helpless.

8. if you stop loving someone because they hurt you, destroy you
was your love unconditional after all

9. this feeling of losing interest in someone who’s not good for you
how with every line they say that you used to adore makes you roll your eyes now

(part one link: https://mayurimakwana.wordpress.com/2018/03/04/thoughts/)

A letter I never sent

Mayuri Makwana


Hi.

Of course, it is a normal piece of paper. Can’t do anything too fancy (maybe later). I don’t know if I’ve ever written you a letter. Maybe today I have missed you the most, maybe it was enough for me to sit and write. Missing you like I would miss a fresh splash of water on a sunny day, missing you like I would miss the cool breeze of air that makes a night walk perfect. Sorry, but when I write letters they ought to be romantic. I don’t think letters are letters without their romance. I just realized that July is such a weird month. What even happens in July? It’s right in the middle. No one remembers what happens in July. I am happy that I gave something (this letter) for you to remember (and for me too) this July of 2021. It makes me feel bitter how difficult it is to write about someone else, even if you’ve known them for years, even if they’ve lived in your dreams and thoughts for a significant amount of time. How can we be so consumed with ourselves and everything around us that we give others no power to even be remembered deservedly? Anyway, turns out exercising does release a lot of the oh-so-fucking-good hormones. I wish I can make everyone exercise. Is it boring to read about someone else’s thoughts in a letter addressed to you? I would have hated it. On that note, I really do miss you today. I think I am feeling really grateful for someone like you to be a part of my life. It is like having a bench only to ourselves in the middle of an apocalypse. Buildings are burning, there is no hope for tomorrow, people are killing each other, there is a stench of malice in the air- but somehow, none of this reaches our little bench. It’s just you and me smoking a nicotine-free cigarette and laughing at existential jokes- mostly made by you, you’re good at that. Well, I guess what I mean to say is, I love you.



untamed

Ayushi Kenia

Ari: Why do birds exist, anyway?

Dante: Birds exist to teach us things about the sky.

If we studied birds, maybe we could learn to be free.


What is it about birds that makes us think of freedom? 


Is it the act of them flying in a colossal open canvas? 


Or is it their ability to decide for themselves if they want to fly with or against the wind?


To me, it’s just their way of existing. 


Is it their purpose? I don’t really know.

I don’t know what to call it. 


But I think the reason why we perceive it, rather associate their way of living to freedom is because of the seemingly uninterrupted time they have up there. 


And yes, the idea of flying is very eternal and soulful.

It’s actually a power that a lot of people want to possess;


I, being one of them. 


PS- The dialogue above is an excerpt from the book “Aristotle and Dante discover the Secrets of the Universe” by Benjamin Alire Sáenz.

Self-actualisation

Ayushi Kenia

Self-actualisation, as stated by Abraham Maslow, is a desire to become everything that one is capable of becoming. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualisation is at the top rung of the pyramid. The apparent explanation for this lies in the fact that self- actualisation can be achieved once all the lower level needs are fulfilled. Now before you jump up and oppose this, let me make it clear that, that debate deserves another article. However, here, I would like to talk more about this desire that Maslow refers to- the desire to be more.
Can we actually quantify this desire?
What is more? Will that “more” be more after we achieve it?
Also, is it logical to define self- actualisation? Subjectively, sure. I mean how else are we supposed to navigate through our individual journeys if we don’t know what actualisation means to us?
To me, it all boils down to one’s purpose of existing. As gray and ambiguous as that question is, I think the journey towards self- actualisation requires us to challenge and question everything. By saying that, I am in no way hinting at a rebellion of any sort whatsoever; challenging and questioning your perceived reality.
On a personal note, having been indulging myself in this activity, I have come to realise and experience the magnanimity of life. The uncountable fragments of reality that exist around me make me wonder about the possibilities that we have been blessed with, with regards to working on ourselves.
Making sense of our existence is something that is going to take years for us to figure out, and I think that’s where the beauty of life lies. It’s going to grind us down, throw us up in all its cryptic ways; almost making us want to give up; but don’t, it’s just a game. Play along; you’ll grow.