there was something about him~

Mayuri Makwana


there was something about him. the way i wanted to devour
every word that came out of his mouth. there was a sort of mystery. i never knew what he is going to say. i hate that. not knowing what someone is going to say. but with him, it felt right. it was never wrong, never something i wouldn’t have liked. i don’t know if he knew me so well that he wouldn’t dare offend me or he was like that, just the way i would have wanted. he was just the kind of person you never run out of things to talk about. it didn’t feel like an effort.

there was something about him. the way i just wished for some honesty. there was a sort of mystery. i never knew why he always tip-toed around me. i hate that. not being able to be vulnerable around people. and with him, it was always like that. it was never about getting through, always about running away. i don’t know what made him like that, was it me or was it his life, i would never know. he was the kind of person you never talk about intimate things to. it always felt like an effort.

on loving but mostly not loving ~

Mayuri Makwana

I just wanted to let you know I don’t love you anymore.
I don’t love you anymore.
I don’t love you anymore.

I have grown out of you like I grew out of my favourite dress when I was 13.
I didn’t want to, but I did.
I think when you stop loving, you either stop loving them gradually or finally.
Finally you stop loving someone who obviously wasn’t right for you.
Gradually you stop loving someone who could have been right for you.
I think I gradually stopped loving you, almost as if I wasn’t meant to.
Now that I think about it, what does “right for me” mean anyway?
Who is right for me? Someone who’d have to trim their square sides off to fit in my circle?
No, you have forced me to believe that that is me. But I know I’m not like that.
The thing I like the most about people is how different they are.
Even when I’m writing this your words keep ringing in my head like accusations.
Accusations about who I claim to be but am not.
Maybe this is why I stopped loving you.
Maybe the thing I hate the most about not loving you is having to admit it.

That is why let me tell you today-
I don’t love you.
I don’t love you.
I don’t love you.