1. who is your god? is it male or female? is it just a universe? a power? or hope? 2. have you ever been in love? did it punish you enough? and did it teach you anything? 3. i don’t know if you have ever kissed someone’s eyes, held hands while walking down a street, softly brushed the hair off someone’s face when they were talking- how often do you crave intimacy? and who satisfies your need for touch? 4. do you love your father? 5. do you like it when people talk about you? 6. what color is your toothbrush? 7. have you ever done something bad and actually felt bad about it? 8. would you kill someone if you have to? would you kill yourself if you have to? 9. when you get hurt by someone, where do you ache? your ears? your toes? or is it in your throat? 10. when you die what do you want people to do with your clothes? 11. does anyone ask you if you cry? 11. do you think that the world was just to you? 12. do you like holding soft toys? have you ever held a soft toy? 13. do you like the way lemons taste? 14. when was the last time you felt like crying but you didn’t? who are you trying to be brave for? 15. where do you fight your battles? in your bed or in your bathroom? 16. if you could buy love, how many rupees per kilo would you pay for it?
Elements in this collage are taken from Pinterest. Superhero pictures are fan arts.
Having watched more than 50 movies this year, and a dozen of them being superhero ones, I have been wanting to write about these movies (and series) with a psychological angle.
All our superheroes have either had a messed up childhood, defined by loss and trauma of some significant sort, or have faced immense distress due to the inevitable identity crisis, because hey, which superhero accepted they’re duality in the first go? None of them, right? I mean even Superman or Captain America, for that matter have been shown to face identity crisis at some point in their lives.
I am not going to get into the technicalities of therapy here but will focus on certain specific elements related to it that should help you relate to the superhero-front of this article.
Every superhero, in my opinion, needs a therapist. I mean imagine having JARVIS and a therapist! (I personally love this combo). Ooh or having the Bracelets of Victory and a therapist; that would do wonders too! (see what I did there? ;))
The realization that every superhero needs some form of mental health support dawned upon me after watching Wanda Vision (or as some would say Wanda’s Vision, which would have been a very cool and an apt name for the series, but oh well). She channelized her grief and feelings of loss into creating a surreal world that had traces of similarities from the sitcoms that she used to watch as a child. Now, as brilliant as that idea is in terms of its theatrical aspects, from a psychological standpoint, it isn’t so desirable. Yes, it is considered to be a natural process, rather, an unconscious one to project something onto something/ someone else. This happens for the sake of that individual, for them to be able to process the overwhelming feelings of difficult and challenging situations. The thing that stuck with me was that if she had visited a therapist to help her out with her struggles related to loss and getting on with life, things could have been better for her and for others around her. I mean, she jeopardized every sense of security and privacy that there was in order to avoid her reality, her truth.
As against this, in the series The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, I was very happy to see that they showed Bucky procuring support from a mental health professional. I mean, the kind of things that Bucky had to go through, hands down, he definitely needed a therapist (and that is an understatement, I mean come on! You’re a 100 years old with a metal arm!) Through therapy, I found Bucky’s journey with his struggles to be relatively healthy and fruitful, if I were to compare it with Wanda’s journey.
I also thought of Batman and how he was kind of obsessed with maintaining Gotham’s safety; he believed that it was his duty to save Gotham from all the “bad guys”. I personally found it to be a little irrational. But, with the kind of money and power that Bruce Wayne had, sure, go ahead; but also remember where to draw a line (easier said than done, I know). On another note, the death of his parents really scarred him and for that level of trauma, you need therapy or some form of mental health support.
Well, these are just a few examples that I could think of and write about. Writing about superheroes from a mental health perspective helped me change my perception towards these movies and the characters. On that note, I think this is what brings us closer to superheroes, to some extent; I mean we all go through emotionally and mentally challenging times in our lives, or have been through some in the past, and like superheroes we fight and learn to live above our demons, because the enemy lies within us (more often than not).
we think that life is supposed to go in an “xyz” way, that “a” will make us happy and we need to stay away from “b” to maintain our peace of mind. and yet every single time we are proved wrong, so ironically wrong. that person we were supposed to grow old with, left. that person we thought wouldn’t ever come back, did. life is full of these kind of things that take a direct u-turn just when we think we are on the right road.
i have come across this phenomenon in many movies, songs and literature. this is more or less a short compilation of the acknowledgement i have found in art of this unusual way of living.
i. “kaisi yeh dhun hai, kho kar bhi kuch na mila”: this is a lyric from a song called “Dil Beparwah” by Ankur Tiwari and Prateek Kuhaad. i’ve always loved this lyric but never quite felt it’s impact on me until the last few days when i heard it again. so beautifully, so subtly the singer questions: “what kind of tune is this? i did not gain anything despite of getting lost in it.” i have found myself blame things, people, events for letting my expectations down. but that is truly so foolish of me- no one truly owns anyone or anything. even a melody does not own us anything, let alone people, places, events.
2. “you know what kind of plan never fails? no plan at all. if you make a plan, life never works out that way. with no plan, nothing can go wrong”: this is a dialogue from the movie “Parasite” by Bong Joon-ho. there were a lot of dialogues and a lot of scenes that have always lingered in my mind since i have watched this movie but this one was unique in its own way. it is honestly a very subjective dialogue. it can be taken positively and negatively. too much indulgence into thinking that you do not have power over things in life will leave you feeling anxious, lazy and procrastinate everything. if you do not believe in this enough, you will blame yourself for everything: “but i could have prevented it from happening” “i could have been better” – which is obviously not true.
3. “when you try your best but you don’t succeed, when you get what you want but not what you need; when you love someone but it goes to waste”: for those of you who have terrible taste in music, these are lyrics from a song called “fix you” by coldplay. we are always told if you give it your best, that’s all you need. but after facing so much rejection myself be it in a relationship, or a internship- i can confidently tell you it’s not true. i am sure you must have come across situations where you felt “but i gave it my all, why not then?”. well, for starters nothing is guaranteed and also, you need to start some positive self talk. these standards that are set are so absurd. life is full of change and uncertainties, accepting this fact is the pathway to nirvana in the 21st century.
there is one string that connects these pieces of art together: human nature. it is in us to hope for a better tomorrow, to hope that we can hope even tomorrow. we have seen this hope burn again and again, almost everyday. but i honestly think it’s tragically beautiful how we never learn. no matter how broken, bruised we are- there is a child in us who is reluctant to surrender, innocently thinking that once things were in control. how beautiful and sad it is to not give up but watch it go in vain.
Love is a beautiful feeling; it is a soulful experience to love someone, and a blessing to have someone who loves you back. Love drives us (well, at least some of “us” I’m assuming). It has done everything- right from testing one’s dedication to testing one’s patience.
However, there is something related to love that people do (not sure since when) that really irks me- The act of buying celestial bodies for their loved ones, or in the case of narcissists, for themselves (!)
Yes, we’re talking about humans claiming their rights on a star or in some cases a planet (a huge rock floating in the cosmic ocean) from a company/ shop on earth :). Read this out loud, and tell me the proportion of absurdity and idiosyncrasy in that sentence.
I should have mentioned a disclaimer (like every other artist in this country should 🙂 ) about the dominance of subjectivity in this article that you as a reader may or may not be able to relate to.
I first came across this weird act in a movie called “A walk to remember”. To cut the long story short, a girl with Leukemia, who is also passionate about stars and planets falls in love with a dedicated young lad who makes it his life’s mission to build a telescope for her so that she could “rest in peace”. This is not the best synopsis that you’re going to find about this movie, but I think it works for the sake of this article.
Coming back to my point, I am not against or allergic to romantic gestures, but as someone who believes in the idea of the Universe and as someone who has high regard for the Universal energy, it seems absurd to me that people have a scheme of buying stars and planets. There are some questions that I have about this:
How do you possibly know that the star that you have bought or claimed your right on is still alive? I mean, for all you know, the company could either be making it up or that star might have died a long time ago. OR someone from across the planet may have bought that same star/ planet from another company!
Are these celestial bodies, really something that we have the power to claim our rights on?
After paying a huge amount, all you get is a paper saying that so and so star/planet is named after you or “belongs” to you. I mean, if they were offering me a trip to that place, I would definitely sign up for this scheme, but it’s just a paper! (I can already hear some of you say, “It’s all about the gesture”).
To me, it does not make any sense, maybe because I believe in other concrete gestures that really show your love for someone, or maybe it’s just that I perceive humans to significantly insignificant (when in comparison to other residents of the Universe). By that, I mean significant enough to make an attempt to understand the mysterious workings of the Universe and insignificant to intervene in that process.
Anyway, my intention was not to hurt anyone’s feelings and sentiments about these things; just sharing my thoughts. *peace*
“what do you live for?” “good music, i think.” “ahhh, so you are that kind?” “hey, music is important! sometimes, i just close my eyes and i am in another world.” “i think i live for movies. for a story, knowing someone, feeling what they feel and what they dream of, what they fear. i feel like i can connect to them.” “you mean relate to them?” “no, i connect to them. like, i feel i can trust them. it doesn’t matter if they are a good person or a bad person.” “yeah, yeah i know your theory that no one is ever a bad person.” “yeah so i can trust them because i know there is nothing more to them that i cannot see. i wish people were like that. i wish they could be honest and not hide things, their fears, their happiness, their love and lust, everything.” “isn’t that too much to expect? i mean i am sure even you aren’t like that, you know, so open and honest about everything.” “i used to be. weren’t we all like that? maybe when we were children.” “maybe. i think as we grow up we forget to do things for ourselves. we think too much about others. even feeling empathy can be negative. do you think our empathy can harm us sometimes? like, imagine you want to do something but you cannot because you know exactly how bad the other person will feel. somehow you compromise on yourself, not intentionally but out of love. love in the simplest form, this love does not need depth, it’s just a sort of care.” “i don’t want to think of love as compromising. love should free you and you can care even without compromising.” “have you even been in love?” “of course! i have and i have learnt. you should learn too. i would never want someone to expect me to compromise on myself for them. what kind of love is that?” “oh god. it’s not something they expect, silly. it’s just how things are in love.” “wait, stop. that’s your definition of love, everyone has a different definition.” “i never said they don’t.” “but.. but…!! you are doing this to me again.” “what?” “why do you always have to challenge my views?” “wait i thought its a healthy conversation.” “it was.” “this is why i never talk about all this to you.” “oh, fuck off.”
I have never really been an admirer of crows; but not so long ago, I happened to witness a pair of crows indulging in the act of making a nest. This nest was being built on a tree that my window faces. It was for the very first time in my life that I saw two crows engaging in a patient and a mindful activity, and not rapaciously fighting for their share from a dead mouse. It was also the first time that I wasn’t scared to look at a crow for a long period of time, else, I’d always find myself overwhelmed by their gaze and colour.
I began observing them sometime in the month of April. Their struggle to accommodate the raw materials for their nest, in a valley of branches was very evident, so much so that after a few weeks, it made me want to build their nest for them.
Observing them became an activity for me that I took up consciously in order to change my perception of crows and to keep a tab on their progress. I started hoping that their quest for finding raw materials for the nest was successful and safe; because surely one of them might be pregnant (Is that the word you use for “to-be mother” birds too? No clue).
During the course of this observation, I realized how skillful birds are in general with regards to manipulating different objects to suit their purpose, (here, making a nest); finding objects with the right amount of malleability to fit their requirement, and most importantly, NOT GIVING UP! Their dedication inspired me and made me think about their level of cognition. They certainly do have some GOOD planning skills and craftsmanship! I mean, I literally saw that crow weave a plastic thread between other twigs to create a base for the nest; that was a mind-blowing sight. Doing that with nothing but a beak and two legs!
I never thought I’d say this, but watching these crows working on their nest has been a beautiful experience for me. It made me aware of my surroundings, and the fact that zooming out from the thought of “me, myself and I” is actually a liberating experience and helps in broadening your perspective about reality.
Friendly suggestion: Take a break; look around. If you are surrounded by trees, nothing like it! Sit by the window and notice everything about that tree or whatever greenery you have around you. Allow Nature to surprise you!
PS: The significance of the title lies in the tree’s position with respect to mine. ‘Withering’ because there are fewer leaves on this tree as a result of the weather these days (this made the viewing of the nest-building easier for me). ‘Heights’ because of the relativity of the term; the view of the nest that I get from my window is different from the one that I get when I am standing below that tree.
i am sitting in front of you you are talking to me and im talking to you, but in my mind i am free
and my mind is the only place free of love for him, from tiredness of you, from the heaviness of my shoulder, from the red in my eyes, from the fear of something new
free from questions about life, free from deciding what not to say, free from the shame of my mistakes and the thought of tomorrow
you can take him away from me, you can take yourself away from me, take all you want away from me when you are done, you will notice that when i look at you, its not enough, when i talk to you, its not enough and when you stop trying maybe you will realise that you will never have enough of me because you never had all of me because in my mind i am free
I have come across people who hold the notion of “being replaced” or replacing someone themselves to be true. This makes me wonder if we can actually “replace” people. (Can we?)
When I thought about it, it didn’t fit my conscience. I believe and know for a fact that two people cannot be the same no matter how identical their reactions or responses to certain situations may be. I mean this whole idea of wanting to replace someone because they are not there with you anymore is something that does not make sense to me. The role that an individual has played in your life, the way they made you feel, the way you made them feel is and will be very different from your equation and rapport with someone else. I am not limiting this understanding of mine to just romantic relationships, it could be any sort of relationship that humans are capable of sharing with each other. Every human is unique in their own way. We are all a mixture of good and bad; complete acceptance comes with an awareness of this fact. This is what makes my stance on not “replacing” people stronger.
The act of “replacing” someone is an insult to the person who you think is a potential candidate for the replacement. What about their individuality? What about the prospect of distinction that they can bring in your life? Your strongly held schemas will dictate your interactions with them, thus, not allowing you to be surprised by them, by the things and experiences they have to offer you. There is no sense of permanence in the act of substitution; it’s an endless cycle.
Spare yourself and your fellow human from this agony. Learn to let go; not the memories you have of that person, but the idea of being attached to them. Relieve yourself from the unnecessary pain and try opening up to the possibilities for something good, something new.
“feminist” : how did this become a taboo word? why was i scared to call myself a feminist before? why do people still feel scared of it? what is equality really?
the first time i ever realised that i did not fully understand the urgency of educating myself on feminism was when i was on a date. the guy, a proud feminist, asked me, “are you a feminist?”. i said no. shocked, he asked me- why? i did not know why. “yeah the damn coffee is taking too long now isn’t it? :)” i just wanted to run home.
after that incident i asked myself, “how can you have an opinion on something you know absolutely nothing about?”. and i replied,”well, that’s a good question mayuri, time to google everything now isn’t it :)”
feminism: the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes. me: WHAT,,, how is it equality if it’s about women’s rights???? I tried to understand this whole new and very important thing about life but it was tough; when you have already formed opinions about some things it’s extremely difficult to change them.
it was not until the Black Lives Matter movement that I understood feminism as best as i could. when one group of people started with the whole “all lives matter” bullshit i was shocked people could be so dumb. yes!!!! all lives matter but all lives aren’t facing injustice like this community is?????? so we need to help this underprivileged community over others. that’s when it struck me.
the demand for equality wouldn’t have arrived if things were equal. if something is not equal- one thing is less and the other thing is more. to bring equality- you need to give support to the less so that it can reach the same level as more. (SRRY 4 SCIENTIFIC TALKING I DIDNT KNOW I HAD IT IN ME IM PROUD OK)
in simpler terms, we demand gender equality because women are facing injustice based on their gender. to make things equal, we need to give certain privileges to women so that they can come to the level of men. we can’t take away privileges from men (oh what a dream though), so we must give women privileges- or to be honest, rights.
but if people understand this, why are they still scared of calling themselves feminists? (hello to my siblings 😀 ) feminism is anything but cool, have you seen the amount of memes? (some are quite funny, can’t deny that/ doesn’t mean I am a bad feminist if I can laugh on those memes). too many bad “feminists” have ruined the image of feminists in general. what people need to understand is that we are talking about half the world (3,903,066,575 or 49.5% of the human population to be precise). we cant control everything, we cannot control peoples opinion and their actions. we have no power over what people do. let me tell you one thing though: if you keep denying to call yourself a feminist, feminism will be reduced to the fake feminists because people like you who truly believe in feminism won’t be there to say “HEY BACK OFF, THAT BITCH DOES NOT DEFINE FEMINISM, FEMINISM IS NOT LIMITED TO PRIVILEGED PEOPLE LIKE ME AND HER. FEMINISM IS ABOUT UNDERPRIVILEGED WOMEN AS WELL WHO DON’T EVEN HAVE A VOICE. THERE ARE YOUNG GIRLS GETTING MARRIED OFF IN VILLAGES IN INDIA, YESTERDAY A WOMAN WAS STABBED TO DEATH BY HER HUSBAND BECAUSE SHE DECIDED TO CHOOSE HER CAREER OVER BEING A HOUSEWIFE. DID YOU KNOW THAT ONE IN EVERY THREE WOMAN HAS EXPERIENCED SEXUAL VIOLENCE? YES NOW YOU KNOW. I AM A FEMINIST AND I AM NOT GOING TO BE ASHAMED BECAUSE OF THOSE FEW WHOSE ACTIONS AREN’T EVEN IN MY CONTROL. GO EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!!” yes, exactly. we need you.
and about me, that guy on the date would sure be proud of me now! i’m much more aware about what’s happening, what I must do and the importance of all this awareness. i am not perfect, just like you. i learn something new every day; i am learning to be better at this thing as well, to question everything and to get the answers too. it’s easy to get comfortable in your own life and not have an opinion about anything, trust me i know how convenient that is. but there are young girls getting raped amidst wars, raped in their bathrooms, touched by uncles; who frightened and alone, wonder why no one can stop this injustice, why must they suffer, are people that scared and involved in their lives to see them, to know how their frail bodies shiver at someone’s touch?
just want to end this by something to wonder upon:
we talk about the world being unfair to women. what about god being unfair to women? he gave us the responsibility to give birth. the pain, the periods, the hormones, the aftermath of it in the 21st century. how did he think we’d fend for ourselves when the other half of the world, our competitors in the survival of the fittest (men) don’t even have to go through this? in fact he gave them the power to make us pregnant- they get to decide what happens in our body. maybe this is where rape begun- men must’ve thought that they are superior to us because they can change our entire body. that it is them who can put ‘life’ inside of us- we are just a vessel, a medium. this power must’ve given them unimaginable delusions of grandeur. that they could and they must make these changes in our body, as though we are incomplete without them. almost like God intended: like the egg incomplete without the sperm: how it breaks, how we bleed.
Self-actualisation, as stated by Abraham Maslow, is a desire to become everything that one is capable of becoming. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualisation is at the top rung of the pyramid. The apparent explanation for this lies in the fact that self- actualisation can be achieved once all the lower level needs are fulfilled. Now before you jump up and oppose this, let me make it clear that, that debate deserves another article. However, here, I would like to talk more about this desire that Maslow refers to- the desire to be more. Can we actually quantify this desire? What is more? Will that “more” be more after we achieve it? Also, is it logical to define self- actualisation? Subjectively, sure. I mean how else are we supposed to navigate through our individual journeys if we don’t know what actualisation means to us? To me, it all boils down to one’s purpose of existing. As gray and ambiguous as that question is, I think the journey towards self- actualisation requires us to challenge and question everything. By saying that, I am in no way hinting at a rebellion of any sort whatsoever; challenging and questioning your perceived reality. On a personal note, having been indulging myself in this activity, I have come to realise and experience the magnanimity of life. The uncountable fragments of reality that exist around me make me wonder about the possibilities that we have been blessed with, with regards to working on ourselves. Making sense of our existence is something that is going to take years for us to figure out, and I think that’s where the beauty of life lies. It’s going to grind us down, throw us up in all its cryptic ways; almost making us want to give up; but don’t, it’s just a game. Play along; you’ll grow.
Breaking The 4th Wall 